The Brokenhearted

Sometimes, for no reason at all, you just feel down, and you don't really know why. Ever felt like that? Not that anything is really wrong, not that someone you loved has just died, not that u failed at something. But u felt so low like everything seems wrong somehow, like everyone you loved dissappeared, like you were a failure.

In those times of human frailty, you feel the most vulnerable, bearing a wound so fresh and tender, yet too painful to touch. In those delicate moments, you wish at least someone was around, someone who cared, someone who wouldn't judge you for feeling the way u did. Someone who would kindly hold you eventhough they didn't know what was going on with you.

Oftentimes, being the strong one gets you in trouble when u need a strong one. People always expect you to understand when they are down, but its not very often that they understand when it is you who needs to be understood. Not always fair I suppose, but I guess we are sometimes the victim of our own success. Michael Jackson wanted to heal the world, but no one offered to heal him.

I have learnt the hard way, that when you are down and out, when you are at the lowest point of your life, when you look for that someone, that someone won't be there. That someone won't understand. That someone will tell you that your situation is not as bad as those in Africa and make u feel worse. That someone will tear apart that wound even further. Isn't it interesting that the one you are hurt by is often the one u seek to help close the wound up?

But I have learnt my lessons well. For insanity is defined as doing the same thing again and again expecting a different result. Never again will I find refuge in another mortal. Can a mother find restoration in a child? Will the sun retreat into the craters of the moon? How can one find refuge in the equal, let alone the lesser. Man can never be a refuge for another.

O' but the temptations to do so are so unbearably great! Who would not want to be loved in their deepest sorrow or even in their shallow tantrums. Man cries out, "Love me, hold me, just say everything will be alright!" We all want the tangible, yet we crave for what is itself fallible. All humanity cry for this, yet all are somehow alone, knowing deep within themselves that no one can heal those deep rooted wounds. We are like trees, needing the hands of a greater being to uproot the weeds of discontent and to bind the boughs of weaknesses. We are like sheep in need of the shepherd to guide to green pastures, to quiet waters. We are like little children, needing to be loved not for what we have done, but for who we are.

There is only One who can, only One.

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:18

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
Psalm 147:3

I have found my hiding place, and as difficult as it may be, and as lonely as it may sometimes get, I will be whole again. I am in the presence of a greater being. I will be looked after with tender-loving care. I will be watered, sheltered and guided. I know I am not alone, and eventhough I walk through this valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil, for I know that you are with me. Amen.